The special touch to this day, it was this beautiful little angel who gave it to me Tasha, my chief assistant. In a bag with a single card where I expressed the company and support.
Every day I find myself most of all the things that are generated, the great generosity with which each of the people around me says all the empathy he feels for me and my family at this very moment spent ..... Tasha surprised me, I touched too much for this this spontaneous detail.
I passed the days....... I cried because why yes or why not ............
This day was not easy, the contradictions converge on my head I got a little paranoid and very nervous.
I seek in every way to keep my mind occupied as much as possible, short papers, copies sack, send messages, desperate attempt to get everything ready for the inevitable, but I get the weekend and this will be the last of my life not far from But if the last of the life you always known ........ from next week start a fight with my whole being total against an evil that seeks to make me lose the daily battle to live.
There are moments I'm going to deny skepticism and fatalism, the mind takes you to the unthinkable and just cross your mind flashes where fear, despair, frustration are just the players, then come back and react it is better to have feet on the ground and his head above the neck.
I feel so weak at times that I barely recognizable, but not because I feel I'm missing anything, the battle that I have not even begun, but it scares me how far I can get my mind that at times I feel crazy.
I know God has and will always have my life, if he wants to be in front so it will, but my being in this holy struggle internally of wanting to control of everything around me, then being unable to cover all this, not knowing the full extent of everything that comes, knowing how vulnerable I feel, I feel down, feel faint and I feel very bad about it .........
The hardest part of all this is completely kept in one ....... maintain control of your mind, beside the body, soul, faith, sometimes you feel that you are breaking into pieces, tiny parts that no one may rejoin I lack faith ........... no hope, no doubt for a second, I do not lack love, I do not lack conviction, I do not lack desire to succeed, but this is all terrifying, a challenge that can be large either.
It's hard to write when you feel well, when you have the feelings to the surface, when you feel so vulnerable and it is hard to hide this fact .... why it is so wonderful and I feel so grateful to God and all those who accompany me in these moments because they are part of my walk, are the pillars that sustain and support me enough to help me out with victory.
thanks for being, being, for sharing with me ........................... I love you Cesar.
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