Day 11- I feel a great relief.

It is worth all ..........................

Any form of reaction against something that happens ....... is valid whatever the situation it faces.

And always, always have two options facing the same situation, do something or do nothing.

Although at times it can live unthinkable things, like seeing life you chose to live and to live fully now and in the most unexpected decisions you take in seconds, change your way of life, create new schemes, see how everything you planned and arranged in a way that would work takes a completely different direction.

Always push yourself the option to do something, make something happen when you look into something strong, the situation unimaginable, unthinkable, and that what happens you want in every way possible is breaking down, make you suffer, confront your humanity of all forms, confuse you, to burden. It is easier to talk, but the strange thing today is that I'm not just talking about living and speaking from my experience.

Nothing harder than this ....... never for an instant glimpse of myself in something, but it is happening, and how to avoid it ...... no way ........ then what is my option ?????????????

Doing something is what I assumed from the beginning ...... make this happening to me today will ... to? not really sure the long-term goal .............................. but if God is manifest in each of the things that happen every second of my life ....

If not doing the right thing is not whether to talk and express in such detail to help them see things that happen are bad as they can assume them as challenges and put your face with all the forces and take out the best of it. .

But what if you and I'm sure I need your company now, and I find no better way than this to stay together, I feel that through the words and knowing that they read, they help me stay afloat, help me does not waver, not to break me.

As today was one of the hardest days I have been since 3 weeks ago all this started ............. Yesterday I performed the tests more comprehensive and complicated than ever imagined, all with the sole purpose of knowing who had no cancer in any other body part ... so I was under, over, under on how many machines there, photocopying all inside .. strong too strong to expect today then we reveal what all those numbers, and plates, and films they wanted to say ...........

ENDLESS THANKS ........ THAT HAS NOT SPREAD, WHICH IS LOCATED AND COMPLETELY CURABLE ...... I know it sounds confusing but I am happy to just have in the Breast Cancer ...... I am happy and I see God's miracles every day because it takes away enourmous weight is not comparable to anything ..... know that this detection was located that time fills my soul, and life itself but only hope and faith that everything will come out too well.

Knowing that, then you can have my whole being to meet in a "localized" this trip on my way, you can concentrate fully on a quick recovery and know that even just beginning this long journey of five months of chemotherapy to start tomorrow January 13, I have everything to my advantage to defeat this evil that at times I want to see fall, which means short and not encourage me ....... not guarantee that there will not be, but will be very few ....... I do not intend to leave by.

All magic is manifested in ways and seem guided by divine thread, start the chemo tomorrow as I told you, I know it will be a new step in this process ...... until today is lived throughout what was the diagnosis, the assimilation, research, acceptance, choices.

Following on from morning started all you have to do with the struggle itself, the high, low, mental and physical battle of my body and mind against cancer .... and what better and more magical, treatment lasts 5 months that would end on May 13 ....

Day of the Virgin Mary......................... as I told them every day just seeing the divine hand of God that touches everything, my family, my friends, doctors, nurses.

I almost forgot, as a special aspect also, the form of cancer I have is particular (as the owner hahahaha), and there is very common, has a conventional form and be where I am trying (Mount Sinai Hospital) is being done just for this type of situation a new experimental treatment ....... since in accordance with Cesar decided to accept, not only for the benefits they can bring me but because he will be able to help others who suffer and if it works for me, would guarantee that we will be for them too.

Keep coming to my hands magical gifts that excite me, make me feel more alive than ever ... objects and words that come at the right and proper time, they say, and transmit only hope and love.

Day 10 - Second, third, fourth.........

I do not think of any way that when I thought the word "Second Chance" was thinking only of me.

I feel in the deepest part of me that we can not remain indifferent to life everything that happens around us, making us grow ourselves that nothing affects us or anything we learn from the situations themselves or others.

We convince ourselves that we have the power and all the elements necessary for no more no more, overcome all that came and still come ....... We became intense speakers repeated keys to live successful, as they ought to live and how to live better, but we ran into just

that, speakers, because we do not practice anything, the strong things that happen to us we do not manage to change ........... Deborah in days, minutes full of self-esteem theories and key help us find the much desired success we all desire in all aspects of our existence.

And life ????? those around you that ????? really apply it ????? applied and put into practice all that?

Be faced with situations of this kind, although I do not want to compare with any other, or believe that anything like this is harder and stronger to face, if you have something that may well have no other ........ .... the known broken the backbone of your humanity, which is life itself, seeing that nothing else really makes sense exaggerated.

See me this afternoon practicing tests of all kinds, some that I did not imagine that there were, where you get to see things that even I thought it could be seen ..... see these giant machines that you photocopy the entire body above and below that you copied from hair to toe, vulnerable your being to an extent unimagined.

You look so exposed .......... but not only physical way .... not only humane,

see your human form weak, liable to be watched closely to see the

extent of this evil, to the deepest recesses of your being, to leave no doubt as it is going to face .........

So in all this physical process, is also bare your soul, locked in unfamiliar equipment for long minutes, I saw also be photocopied my thoughts, my fears, my fears, and fear as they were read by her .... .. desperately trying to put my mind blank, so that you can not catch a glimpse in the films my weakness, so you do not see as far as my mind could come when the confusion of the senses came over me.

Overexposure was not only my body to show his fragile real and undoubtedly was a stark exhibition showing how much suffering soul together ................. and then that's why now expect to be told that was what that body said, expect to see results translated into words the man to understand, I again put on hold ....... waiting to hear since the scope all, as far as goes as it may affect me, as he t

hinks treated.

But as each day that Dear God gives me , is full of beautiful surprises .......... having my second choice is to know then that although we are all made of the same human material, which suffers and falls at times and although we face every day brings us to confront ourselves, and at times feel vulnerable to the ground, there is another material that these machines can not see, nor the

most powerful nor the most advanced of the universe .......... and then that material which keeps me full of life, faith, inner strength, of pride, of strength.

Every day I find myself more with things that come to my hands, this time it was Carla & Martin they gave me some beautiful bottles, but the best plump holy water brought from his travels .......... ........... The most beautiful is that it is holy water from a small church where according to Virgin Mary appeared in Ephesus (Greece), it is best that they bought it without knowing as I did in that moment that I was sick, but like everything amazing that is happening would be for me ................ thank you for this beautiful gift.

Day 9- Moved.............

Today I have only words of thanks to all who have spoken with us in every way innimaginables, I feel touched in the most special for the love of God in all things that happens to me, the way I feel like people around me trying to speak with your heart in your hand and give me your breath, express their emotions, to prove to my little family (Cesar and the kids) as well as this event has touched their lives, and as we all seek to learn, just like us that although they are striking and unexpected, have the power to reach beyond our lives dramatically.

Every day is a new adventure that will materialize through every manifestation of appreciation, today received some wonderful objects, almost lucky charms that today form part of my life eternal pieces that by themselves say it all.

Cleta & Antonette gave us the part that reads ... "Friends are angels following you through life", words so real and true ......

And Monica, I present two precious amulets, a tiny rosary (prayer for cancer) and a little angel on cobblestone, the most tender thing in life to accompany me in my walk and do not leave ever ... ........ and I hope not either leave me.

From tomorrow begins an extensive list of tests, tests of all kinds in order to conclude exactly how my body in every way and eliminate the cancer last (hopefully) this localized and spread in any way.

The mixed feelings are increasingly confused and every day, each waiting for the results is an ordeal for your patience and faith that everything will work out, is a strong test your ability to accept that things are not happening as you want or want, but as simply must go ...

Follows the roller coaster, you keep going up higher, and giving you shots from the floor, but your friends, family, love, with all they have to give you from day one, are the essence of you to follow day by day standing in front of life, without fail completely ........................... without missing .........

There is only so many thanks in my heart for everyone.

Day 8- Chance of look..............

Although not really have a wig hahahaha,

But as I'm taking step by step everything that is happening, this was something that for days I had in mind and today it finally decided the best thing for my mental and emotional health was considered a total change of look, especially after listening to the medication that it most likely that the treatment I should do there was little chance of losing your hair.

So knowing me as I know.......I know and I do not take good way to see my hair falling every day, so decided to take root because that situation and see two possibilities resulting from this, that if I drop it more I work up the hats that I go with all outfits (first things first) and if not it may happen that I can not just drop anything because I take all the benefits of short hair ............

I think the priorities should be known as in any deal, which is clearly important for us all you have to do with the image and how it looks, and how best looks ......... but challenging me today this evil, which can be definitive in my life, I do see issues such as vanity and image as something quite secondary ... and not because I care, or because it does not consider in my life, but because it really interests me and I focus on is being well and fully recover.

So everything that distract me from that goal should be set aside, and for its own welfare and also of those around you, I feel I locate myself to think because something like the hair would have to take to affect me much, because if we thank God he will come to grow again ............

Do not think that was an easy decision, but I've done it, see me sitting today in the mirror knowing that this time it was a completely different reason than other times, this new look too and it had deeper roots ... .....

Step over the weekend, and came with this great external change which I feel is deeper than that, I feel that in deciding this change of image I want to float a lot more things I have inside me, a haircut, something physical as this is simply the desire to root out many things that will haunt me?? cut and cut, I believe in my heart I want to take a big change too ..............

Still be a tough battle every day taking everything with great strength, the days are incredibly unrealistic, low and climb like a roller coaster, so amazing seeing you every day you beat a great triumph, and just day to day care, matters only live in the best way and the most intense and productive way ...... all have too much significance, even the smallest event assuming as you're going bigger.

Real change is to be brewing in you, not only do you see outside, the speed and impact of internal change is unimaginable ..... but again the hair is short, really change your appearance, but the renovation and what you want with it what really moves you ........

Expect to see you again as before, but not short hair or long, just want to look good inside and that it is transmitted back out.

Day 7- Breast Self Examination

If one goes to see this review was that saved me time to realize this disease before it has not been able to do anything ... I owe him that the detection was at the right time, on time.

If you ask yourself of how it should be and at what time of month should be the majority of this theory refer to a monthly period days before and days after, but as you know a little about my intense attitude with everything around me, I almost was done by me at least once every week, well it does not talk about it because it may seem compulsive, but I confess I did more than once a month.

The thing with me as happens with many of us that we believe that the ignorance is, in my case, stubbornness then always defer to my personal issues led me to extend after detecting the lump such a mind the mammogram and sonogram.

I only speak for myself, but some very good part of this prolongation was due, first because sensed something, I would not like to call it, I was afraid to recognize myself that my body was clear that spoke to me and told me that something happened, but I was not listening to him and second was that of ignorance and regret but for letting me take the experiences of others who explained to me the mammogram, uncomfortable and painful it was postponed and postponed the matter until it had to get serious with myself and face the pod ..... and know that they are handled a bit of a myth at all.

I do not think you have to put the mystery to the thing, the technology is amazing now, of course that lying if I said it's nothing that you'll delight today for a mammogram appointment, obviously more modern than it is now the principle of mammography remains the same, a device that manipulates in various ways to make breast plates on ............. now if you can make a small or great discomfort depends on the degree of sensitivity of each person, but if I'm honest ........... with the lump and everything not upset me or bother me, nothing, but I always put everything in perspective for everyone .... Not the most pleasant thing in the world, but do not have as much prevention with her.

Now as council heart, I ask each you who indifferent its age practice these two exams if necessary once every year and whenever the perform yourselves please please require unhesitatingly that mammogram be accompanied sonogram ........... without exception without hesitation even a second ............. I tell firsthand and experience which know.

Although the mammogram provides many important data, images that are obtained are not enough to show everything. Now it is absolutely essential for a full review the sonogram ........ in addition to being something deeper, to embrace deeper parts of the breast can take action and clear projected images almost instantly detect whether something has any abnormality.

Something I also ask them to put great care and insist with your gynecologist, is that now more than ever if they have any questions or notice something unusual so is the smallest lump or any pain ........ . immediately apply these tests ....

Do not worry, I know that they will answer .... that before age 40 should not present a lot of practice because the inner mass density and good there will be medical explanations that support this theory, but what if it happens like it happened to me that a small percentage increases increasingly believe that is 35 or less, and has no legacy of breast cancer in the family ............. has cancer.

Then imagine without self-examination and without the tests ............... I do not think that had endured up to 40 then practice the rigor .... do not want to sound fatalistic, but only here if you think about the logic of all plays out .. and then the conventional.

The lesson that all this gave me, here I speak only for myself, is that we must listen to the body with Bose headphones ... well not become a hypochondriac, but let us not always strong, and believe us that we are invincible and that while we thank God fortunate to have good health and free from many pains that we do not let us in, no pre-figured in our minds (which is powerful) inconvenience and discomfort that may never happen ...

Rather, always maintain the conviction that while we remain intact, healthy and whole, because everything around us work as we wish, and then if maybe we will suffer something simple or complicated, instead of being negative we feel most privileged people in the world because dear God gave us another opportunity to make things better, to realize that if there is strength in us but there is caution and self-esteem.

For today and always remember that nothing more important than yourselves, each well to continue writing the story of our lives ..........

To all my women ............. I love you very much.

Day 6- One of those days ..............

The special touch to this day, it was this beautiful little angel who gave it to me Tasha, my chief assistant. In a bag with a single card where I expressed the company and support.

Every day I find myself most of all the things that are generated, the great generosity with which each of the people around me says all the empathy he feels for me and my family at this very moment spent ..... Tasha surprised me, I touched too much for this this spontaneous detail.

I passed the days....... I cried because why yes or why not ............

This day was not easy, the contradictions converge on my head I got a little paranoid and very nervous.

I seek in every way to keep my mind occupied as much as possible, short papers, copies sack, send messages, desperate attempt to get everything ready for the inevitable, but I get the weekend and this will be the last of my life not far from But if the last of the life you always known ........ from next week start a fight with my whole being total against an evil that seeks to make me lose the daily battle to live.

There are moments I'm going to deny skepticism and fatalism, the mind takes you to the unthinkable and just cross your mind flashes where fear, despair, frustration are just the players, then come back and react it is better to have feet on the ground and his head above the neck.

I feel so weak at times that I barely recognizable, but not because I feel I'm missing anything, the battle that I have not even begun, but it scares me how far I can get my mind that at times I feel crazy.

I know God has and will always have my life, if he wants to be in front so it will, but my being in this holy struggle internally of wanting to control of everything around me, then being unable to cover all this, not knowing the full extent of everything that comes, knowing how vulnerable I feel, I feel down, feel faint and I feel very bad about it .........

The hardest part of all this is completely kept in one ....... maintain control of your mind, beside the body, soul, faith, sometimes you feel that you are breaking into pieces, tiny parts that no one may rejoin I lack faith ........... no hope, no doubt for a second, I do not lack love, I do not lack conviction, I do not lack desire to succeed, but this is all terrifying, a challenge that can be large either.

It's hard to write when you feel well, when you have the feelings to the surface, when you feel so vulnerable and it is hard to hide this fact .... why it is so wonderful and I feel so grateful to God and all those who accompany me in these moments because they are part of my walk, are the pillars that sustain and support me enough to help me out with victory.

thanks for being, being, for sharing with me ........................... I love you Cesar.

Day 5- This just came into my hands......

I'm at my desk ready to start my work day, and comes one of my coworkers and I leave this letter .........

DIVINE ORDER
I open my spiritual vision to divine order within and around me

When I think of divine order, I am reminded of the exquisite order in nature. From the smallest atom to the tallest mountain, order is evident in nature, creating and supporting life, providing nourishment and shelter, and blessing all people with beauty.
The divine order evident in nature is also at work in my life. It presents opportunities for growth and renewal, introduces ideas and inspiration, provides guidance and protection. Divine order blesses me with all I need for healthy, happy, productive life.
Right now, I open my spiritual vision to see divine order. I give thanks for the opportunities available to me. I know that the spirit of God is at work in me and all life.

In him was life, and the life was the light of all people.....

Was speechless ......... Four hours before the appointment with my oncologist * January 6 / 2011.

Day 5- When the second sounds like the first.

Today we had an appointment to a second opinion about my disease.

I confess I did not sleep nor cease ............. not sleep and I none of the old days, only horizontally, we turn our thoughts for a couple of hours at night ...

For us today is back to Day One, because they finally understood that talking to Cesar part of our whole internal frustration, confusion, sadness was because in addition to face-unknown disease, something new, the Cancer and medical terminology, no understand why we did not feel well with the information they had.

In English we use much an expression that says "Staying informed is the key" and that's what you start doing, illustrated the best you can, listen to people who have been through something similar so you can learn from their experience, hear the different opinions that everyone has to share with you and then on to ask, ask and ask and clear the purpose of contacting the appropriate professional.

I just want to clarify here that I do not compare the medical profession, and any specialist area of health with any other profession, is that the criteria of professionalism and ethics should be handled in any profession whatever it is, and that the standards perfection should be the highest and always responsible.

But when you find yourself in the system in which the primary care physician suggested the right person you should try depends on the next step to take, the gynecologist suggested a surgeon, a surgeon and oncologist and so on is when you wrap a let little more for your catatonic state than anything else, a huge mass of generalities, opinions of the doctor on duty which the majority of listeners by one of the most ears and out the other.

Trust this human being who has your life in your hands (so it is difficult to compare the profession to others) rely more than your life, your knowledge will offer you peace of mind then leave it to God the rest. But not every time is so ......

To which I conclude is that I learned a lesson today full of life, I learned that despite the pain and physical condition you may have, everyone is entitled to not feel comfortable with the doctor who was chosen, or that despite ignorance the issue is completed, you can also not feel comfortable with what the doctor tells me is something that should and has to let you know, even if you come looking for a better option.

And that's what we did and what they ask you to never settle for what little that anyone in any aspect of them, in spite of our initial interest was to seek a second option that we open up more possibilities of understanding, it was also because we were not consistent with what we had heard before, and it was not the diagnosis they gave us because nobody should change but because I was confident with the words.

So today saw me sitting at my oncologist (and we choose to Cesar) Kerin Adelson and see the passion in his words transformed everything, trying to see her in every way possible to lessen my pain, see it as charity aired in every action and despite the fact that what he said was hard, they were things that really have no magic way to express themselves, she could get us to feel all the confidence and ultimately may take away a giant weight we carried a mixture of ignorance, frustration and grief.

What follows is not easy, I feel like waiting in every way and I was just terrified, from now on listen only few types of tests should be performed, and determine the results of these treatments, many times week will be the sessions, which all desire to choose treatment, thousands and thousands of things that remain accelerated options in this mad race to stop the evil that wants to attack me and beat me.

Between tomorrow and Monday and Tuesday will be entirely determined by the general state of my illness, the tests were completed to determine the next necessary step, will conclude with the long wait to know if, as far as we know it is located or if the more remote possibility Sprinkle has been.

Then I just suddenly floating stage so we walk and follow in a catatonic state with a firm tug to which we were grounded from now on will be our reality .... knew from the first day but do not think it takes more full days to assume that life ceases to be the one who was and who undertake a grueling cross and hope to the soul with the best results.

"Your love I see in everything, every person who crosses my path, every message of encouragement that I receive, every action that you have to comfort my pain, at each occurrence that show every day to not hesitate for a moment that will not release my hand ............ ever. "

Day Four -Find that we are made!!!!

Listening to people talk and see what they have to say, think understand a little better because of all this is happening.

When such events so closely touching the lives of the people you love, the first question that occurs to you is that !!!!!!!

All you seek to answer is why, why, because this disease, because this person, because now, why, why?? But no way is so that you?

Nobody would want, I was the most dishonest and even crazy, to say that at some point I imagine that something like touch me live. But now I think it is not that just happen, but the reality is that the pans and I can not get into a shell to hide all the pain involved ..... just need to accept every moment that passes to try to discover if God I may, for all this is happening, what is your goal, which seeks through me, trying to tell us.

All, we all strong situations of pain, having to accept the reality that we expected not dream, I believe neither the first nor the last and I know my battle is not comparable to that of many people outside ... ........... so many of us are in this together.

Realities and assuming that grow up without parents, who would be orphaned at a young age and have to you walk alone .. I think that is hard and strong.

Would lose at the least thought of that being, whatever it is called, brother, father, mother, spouse, friend who was a definitive part of your life and you will never see him again ........... . it is also hard.

Or that the life plans they bargained for the future did not turn out as you thought, an unexpected divorce, single parenting, fade in the way the idealization of prince or princess blue, perfect marriages of sons and daughters perfect, successful work, but above all finally realize that life is not perfect, nor is written down in a fantastic way to book be followed to the letter.

It is we, hopefully forever from his hand, which in the end we live it our way. More generous than anyone gives us daily tons of love, understanding, peace, generosity, charity, respect ....

but we who hate, foolish act, we create the wars, we are greedy, selfish and stupid.

We are never satisfied, looking desperately out of control and things we see in simple things greatness.

But that's what we, humans, even for a perfect moment and that is why each fall we're wearing another layer that makes us stronger, that brings us closer to him.

Love Eli

Day three- Second option & Gift

In the most shocking things I've experienced from my illness find charity and generosity of all the people around me and want to express in every way possible their appreciation to me and my family ......... ........................................................... .. the Bahamon Family

The beauty of Rosario with his chest a friend gave it to me at the office (someone who offers something like this can only be called so) Anthony Miro, and he said his goal was to lift me up and giving me their support and appreciation.

Then Tony got more than that, with this significant detail that I get to my soul, that to escalorfrios gave me because looking at it and get my hands felt a great emotion and to consider the virgensita with blue, and each accompanying details that could only move me.

Every day you wake up is super strange (to be part of the anxiety drive) because you feel somehow that you're wasting time. The next tests and pending appointments with physicians will be done too far and something can pass. Then try to inform, to read, print every information that passes through your hands, devour but fails to understand anything.

Try to understand that you begin to live with a resident, since you do not know when he sleeps, eats you, and that feeds you and also desperately seeking desestabilizarte, physically and mentally.

Then as if in an animated film, imagine moving little figurines that go crazy for your body ..... too fast for your liking.

Incredibly begin to feel tingling throughout your body, back, hands, things that were previously invisible become overwhelming and sporadic electrical shock. Then well as in the lively get a big hand that gives you the face and a single hit puts you back into reality.

The lexicon of your life completely changes ............ before for a person like me who has only been in a hospital when she had two babies, that the closest thing to a surgery was taken from the 4 wisdom teeth and were stronger antibiotics for bronchitis and pneumonia that winter gave me some ..... begin mastering a language so specific and complex as the type of chemotherapy is and what each one means or every test I should do or if I need anything additional is something like night and day. As simple as changing the maximum range of doctors who were always the generall who always saw the dentist, eye doctor and maybe in the adult life, the gynecologist, now becomes an endless list that goes from the best surgeon, through oncologist, radiation oncologist rather extends until they could form a complete team football.

One of my many angels (moving their worldly influences) has achieved an appointment was for January 31 was moved to this coming Thursday January 6 !!!!!!!!!!!! Arcangel if that's better.

In this meeting I will know the person with whom I walk a good time, and knowing what you think about my case (remember everyone is different) and the outcome of the MRI and Pet Scan shall begin then with treatment.

If it is MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) Magnetic Resonance, examination by means of which uses magnets and radio waves instead of radiation powerful to detect more accurately the location of the cancer. You lie on a table and slides into a tunnel-like device where you stand still and where the exploration does not cause pain but much noise (bring earplugs for ears) ... this review seeks to find out if the cancer is only in one or both breasts.

and the Pet Scan (Positron Emission Tomography) test whereby the patient is injected a small dose of radioactive glucose that time will be absorbed by the body. Then they lay you and spend the Scan to detect strong energy that will convert the 3-dimensional images .... This shows the changes in the levels of cells and sought to know if you have cancer elsewhere in the body.

Well as I told them anxiety is desperate to fill my mind makes information and so temporarily sought to reassure my doubts and thoughts crossed.

We just start......................................

Day Two- How tell to Family and Friends* December & January 2011

With the passing of days, you feel the day you were diagnosed was a thousand years ... remember the doctor and he told you as trying to explain everything, and although his words are in Spanish and trying desperately to understand each expressing things, only assimilate so like a dead language that no one hears a thousand, where medical concepts, calculations, statistics, probability, become a whirlwind, a mixture indesifrable of nonsense words, all you conclude in your infinite ignorance is that from now on you will not be the same, never again, they'll have a go with your host indefinitely, with whom he will have to fight and win.

Each day that passes you are trying to lessen the impact thinking it was some mistake, that crossed the papers, which are not yours, that this is not your name on every paper, every consideration, that this will not going any way to you, it occurs to you ....... but also a very strong part of you tells you that it is, the sheath is as it is and that we must face it with full force.

Since you know or think you know that you face, desperately looking for reassembling the pieces that were scattered ... for moments, hours, days shall be watered everywhere .. every step you find a hand, a memory, a desire. and then you face one of the strongest things! start downloading you have to carry you alone for days with people who are with you, who loves you, your family, your friends, who is in your heart.

And then begin to drop the words carefully, you run into people, talk to you, support you, caress you, everyone wants to know and confirm the suspicion and hear nothing happens, try to control what you say, want to sound soft, does not impact too, but once you know what that's unreal, like not going to impact as it will not hurt, you ask within yourself, you pray for anyone to cry in front of you because maybe they do feel that if you pierce the heart in the act ... concealed with all your strength, hold your breath, try to escape and find time to mourn ......... but no tears come.

You're a sponge ready to receive everything, fondling all the words, the hugs of strength and support, you see how every day is being transformed more and more pain in force, in positivism frustration, anger in love and like faith and prayer of all, the great chain of positive energy surrounds you from head to toe and hope desperately that you do not release ...

Day One- Diagnostic *Diciembre 23/2010

Life stops you in a way you never imagined even ...... you feel short of breath, you're going to fail, your knees are broken and fall at any moment.

Sitting in front of the Doctor listening to what he has to say, you get to see the movement of your lips, you know exactly what he is saying, you know the opinion of life is giving, but only perceive the sound because the information is paralyzed ... discernment feel that takes forever, then do not feel understood nothing of what you hear, sounds entering your ears but do not understand the words ..... go back and look at the Doctor, feel his anguish, the feeling that bundle up your child at that moment but you get to deal with such circumstances is an elementary part of his life.

You feel you stop breathing, your world stops and in front of your eyes look like the movie of your life is planned in a second, you see girl, young, your grades, marriage, births of your children, laughter, crying .. strangely feel that there is more things past, a moment that you forgive all your mistakes, and there is nothing else that matters.

You do not see anything but this day, the minute that is culminating, time tracking, no matter who makes more tomorrow because it becomes your only goal to be good now, and that happened to me, will survive a week, one month a year even ........ if so fatalistic things feel after receiving a diagnosis.

I feel all the time, anger, pain, distress, fear, terror, fright, frustration, I trample all kinds of ideas, good, not so good, your mind is not clear for a few moments, you feel fall into a dark abyss that overshadows all mental clarity that is always with you, but no idea how to walk! really fleets.

View and listen to all your family, friends have to say, you see the confusion of his words and the confusion of your hearing, you understand to mean, you see their despair because their words will embrace and achieve surround the pain you feel and convert it calm.

See this day as the only day of your life, you see a stage finish and start another look at the same instant.

Want to believe it was all a bad dream, do not let this happening to you, you wake up and all ........... stay the same then you look back, you confirm that from now on this will be your reality and that there is no awakening, you will be simply this forever.

ecember 23 / 10 ... Day I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.

To my Dear Friends................

I would say at this moment so much, embrace you and keep you close to me ...

I chose this way to make known that I walk, not just because I think it will be incredible therapy for me, but also because I do not want it to be by myself to know this.

This past Christmas 2010, was one of the most emotional, hard and meaningful of my life .. after several medical tests later, and after discovering a lump in my right breast, I have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer.

I wish I was there with you so that we embrace and be able to feel, to share with you all that it can generate, anger, sadness, lack of control ... I know well and know that I have is a bit out of the ordinary .... or rather know that everything has my personal touch.

Just as you have been part of all my adventures, youth, my life next to Cesar, and then when the children arrived, you have not lost any time I want to be part also of this new phase beginning ...

I want you to know it's not that I do not feel sad or scared, but most of all feel joy that little God gave me the opportunity to discover this bad on time and I have time to go.

I do not feel in any way that my world is over or I'm going through this because I am the most bad, unlike but no one expected something like this ever in life, neither is prepared to face a similar situation, I see from every point of view this stage as a great learning moment and I hope to get the most out of it.

Just beginning, I know, I know that will not be easy, many things changed my life forever, both physically and emotionally, but I hope to always keep my spirit high, and continue to be the same "warrior" who always have been.

I want to make part of this new phase, not to grieve for me or think this will be sad, I want to be part is to include me in your prayers and help me with your positive energy, I want every time you think me, send me all the best to you for strength and energy that help me in the moments that are, I'll be even shorter than normal.Thank you for not only being now

Thanks for being part of my life forever, as they say

in the good and the not so good, and keep

next to me despite the distance and time.

Love .....Eliana